“The Matrix” is going to make one hell of a video game (rest assured, there will be a video game)! “The Matrix” disappoints on so many levels, but the biggest disappointment is that this hodgepodge of ideas comes from the filmmaking team of Andy & Larry Wachowski, the dynamic duo who brought us the chilling “Bound.”

“Bound” was such a delicious concoction, a wicked mix of sexual tension and quirky characters wrapped up as film noir. Quite an accomplishment considering that “Bound” was the brother’s audacious debut. Unfortunately, the filmmaker’s suffer the sophomore jinx with “The Matrix,” a film that is visually dazzling yet ultimately empty. It’s eye candy for computer nerds. It’s also a butt-numbing experience. As written and directed by the Brothers Wachowski, “The Matrix” might have made a tolerable ninety minute film.

At two hours and twenty minutes, the film overstays its welcome long before the end is in sight. Keanu Reeves is okay as computer genius Thomas Anderson, who is known as Neo to other hackers. When he’s not wasting away his days as a computer programmer, Neo is tapping into the full potential of the Internet. Shot in Sydney, Australia, “The Matrix” has a cold, concrete look. Garish flourescent lighting, buildings lined with dark, featureless glass.

It’s just one of the brothers attempts at symbolism, showing us that even though Neo has become a prisoner in his own dank apartment, he’s able to escape to a much more colorful world through his computer. Little does Neo know that his computer will play a much more important role in his future. It all begins with an on-line cryptic message which takes him to a funky nightclub where he’s approached by a mysterious woman named Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss, giving lesbian leather chic a whole new life). She claims to know the whereabouts of computer guru Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne), a legendary figure to hackers. After a run-in with the law, Neo agrees to go with Trinity, unaware that his curiosity is going to get the best of him. After meeting with Morpheus and his crew (think of the crew from the first “Alien” film), Neo is in for a rude awakening. Everything that Neo believes to be true is in fact a reality created by computers. It’s not 1999, but the end of the 21st Century. The battle between man and machine has ended, and machines now rule what’s left of the world. Morpheus and his crew are renegades who have escaped from the clutches of the mainframe, and cruise about in a hovercraft that looks like something out of Jules Verne. Neo learns that he was recruited because Morpheus believes that he is the chosen one who will end the micro chip hell. The film’s most inspired sequence is Neo’s rebirth, a nightmarish sequence that finds Reeve going from shaggy haired matinee idol to Sinead O’ Connor look alike. After his rebirth, Neo is programmed to become the savior, including some neat Kung Fu moves. There isn’t an original bone in the infrastructure of “The Matrix.” The screenplay is so derivative and cold that it’s hard to take any of this seriously. There’s no emotion in the characters, so its hard to invest in them one way or the other. They’re just human props for the filmmaker’s to move about so they don’t get in the way of the visual effects. The plotting is rudimentary at best, embarrassing at worst. What the Wachowski brothers attempt to pass off as symbolism are nothing more than cliches. I couldn’t help buy laugh out loud when Morpheus is being held captive by the bad guys, his hands chained behind his back. After some grueling grilling, Morpheus decides he can’t take any more and snaps the chains. The sight of an oppressed black man breaking the chains that bound him was too much for me. Then the filmmaker’s dig out the old chestnut where the love of a good woman is enough to bring someone back from the dead. I laughed so hard I almost coughed up a lung. This is one case where you shouldn’t kill the messenger. The actors are okay, and do what they can to flesh out their paper thin characters. It’s the writer-director team of Andy and Larry that are at fault. They failed to deliver on the promise of “Bound,” a film that was ten times more entertaining and probably cost 10 times less than “The Matrix.” Hey guys, more isn’t necessarily better. Here, it’s overkill.

COMPLETE CHECK-UP

VISION: [ ] 20/20 [ X ] Good [ ] Cataracts [ ] Blind

The 2.35:1 widescreen transfer (anamorphic enhanced) is a mixed bag. While some images are sharp and vivid, others look washed out and some have a green tint that I don’t recall from the theatrical presentation. Flesh tones look flattering under warm lights, but most of the time they look pale and uninteresting. Colors are also varied, from strong saturation and vibrant hues, to downright shoddy. The early stages of the film look flat, with little or no depth of field. While attention to detail is always strong, there are some issues with patterns. Blacks are usually strong, but there are a couple of moments that break the spell. I didn’t notice any visible compression artifacts, but there is a minor amount of flecking in the darker moments. The usually clean negative allows for pure whites and shadows.

HEARING: [ X ] Excellent [ ] Minor Hearing Loss [ ] Needs Hearing Aid [ ] Deaf

Dynamic 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround soundtrack impresses on all levels. The sound fields come alive with rambunctious basses, strong middle and high ends, and ambient noise that embraces you with their purity. Stereo effects on all ends are exciting and definitive, especially the left to right split that sweeps through the room. Dialogue mix is strong, while rear speakers come alive every available moment with pounding musical cues and stereo effects. No noticeable hiss or distortion.

ORAL: [ ] Excellent [ X ] Good [ ] Poor

Closed captions in English for the hard of hearing.

COORDINATION: [ X ] Excellent [ ] Good [ ] Clumsy [ ] Weak

The extras on the DVD are actually more engaging that the film itself. Warner Home Video is to be congratulated for compiling such a fascinating collection of documentaries, hidden features and audio extras.

Skip the Running Audio commentary with co-star Carrie-Anne Moss, editor Zach Staenberg and special effects supervisor John Gaeta. It’s not that their dialogue is worthless. It’s because the audio track was recorded so low you have to crank up the volume to its highest decibel in order to hear them, creating a hum in the background that wears thin.

Instead, play the DVD feature that allows you to enjoy the film’s isolated musical score with commentary by composer Don Davis. There’s a lot of soul and emotion at work on this track.

“Making the Matrix” is a 30-minute documentary (first show as part of HBO’s “First Look” series) that provides enough background and interviews to make it worth a second look. Learn how the film’s talent trained for five months before a frame of footage was even shot, while explore the directing team’s approach to making the film. There are special effects segments that explain the tricks of the trade, plus musings from producer Joel Silver.

Impressive main and scene access menus featuring animation and actual clips from the film. Cruise through the menus and find little red pills that take you to several special effects documentaries, including one on the film’s innovative “Bullet Time” cinematography. Finding the little red pills is part of the fun, so I won’t divulge their locations here.

“Follow the White Rabbit” is the DVD’s real calling card, a wonderful little invention that allows you to explore the technical aspects behind certain scenes. A little white rabbit pops up intermittently in the bottom right hand corner. Click on the rabbit, and you’re magically transported to a behind-the-scenes look at the current scene. Each clip is filled with fascinating, technical information plus some goofs and flubs. This feature makes you want to watch the feature twice to see if you missed any of the rabbits (they don’t pop up in the fast forward mode).

DVD-ROM features like the original screenplay, which allows you to go from script to storyboard and then to the final product. There’s also a trivia game called “The One” where you can test your knowledge against “The Matrix,” and seven essays and articles that should satisfy Kung Fu and science-fiction fans. “From Strip to Screen” covers the history of comic book-to-screen efforts, while “Everybody Loves Kung- Fu” is a martial arts retrospective with a kick. There is also a feature that allows you to jump to your favorite Kung-Fu scene in the film. Toss in links to the film’s web site and a trailer vault that includes coming attractions for “Demolition Man,” “Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome,” “Outland,” “The Road Warrior” and “Soldier,” and you have enough features to keep you busy for days.

There are also numerous cast & crew bios and filmographies.

PROGNOSIS: [ X ] Excellent [ ] Fit [ ] Will Live [ ] Resuscitate [ ] Terminal

It really doesn’t matter what I think. “The Matrix” has taken on a life of its own, and will continue to do so with the two sequels headed our way.

VITALS: $24.98/Rated R/136 Minutes/Color/38 Chapter Stops/Snapcase/#17737

ATTENDING RESIDENT: John Larsen

PATIENT: THE MATRIX

BIRTH DATE: 1999

HMO: Warner Home Video

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