The Tailor of Panama
Whoever coined the term “Honor Among Spies” obviously never met Andy Osnard, a British agent who is always on the make. A cad and a rogue, Osnard finds himself exiled to Panama after his gambling and sexual indiscretions catch up with him. Doesn’t matter. As long as Osnard can find a patsy he’s happy.
He finds one in fellow countryman and tailor Harry Pendel, whose connections to the rich and infamous make him the perfect contact. Poor Harry. A former convict who has reinvented himself in Panama, Harry has no choice but to help Osnard. God forbid should his perfect family learn the truth about him. Harry can also use the money. The bank is ready to call in his loan if he can’t make a payment.
So begins “When Harry Met Andy,” I mean, “The Tailor of Panama,” a cloying spy thriller based on a novel by John La Carre. “The Tailor of Panama” is an odd duck. Directed by John Boorman, the film never takes flight. It looks like a duck, talks like a duck, and even walks like a duck, but in reality it’s an albatross.
It just lays there, looking pretty and inviting, but it goes nowhere. You invest two hours of your time and get about half-an-hour’s worth of entertainment. Pretty sad, especially when you consider all of the talent involved.
Pierce Brosnan plays Osnard as James Bond without a conscience. It’s not much of a stretch, and while it’s fun to watch him play a scoundrel, the performance is nothing special. It’s not difficult to see why women drop in his path. Osnard is handsome and charming, but that’s not enough. Brosnan is not nearly nasty enough. We know from our fist meeting with Osnard that he’s only it in for himself.
Even before he’s shipped off to Panama, Osnard is already scheming. He knows that information is money, and if he can find a source of information in Panama, he might be able to feather his retirement nest. Osnard immediately sets his sights on Harry, who proves vulnerable enough to control.
Geoffrey Rush is the best thing about “The Tailor of Panama.” What Osnard doesn’t realize is that Harry is in it for himself as well, and isn’t above conning the con man. That means feeding Osnard false information in exchange for money. The bigger the lie, the bigger the payoff.
What Osnard is shopping around for is information on the Panama Canal, which has just changed hands. The British are desperate to keep on top of the situation, and will do just about anything to stay in the loop. That means Osnard is free to do what he pleases, as long as he produces. Not only does Osnard manipulate Harry and his friends, he also takes advantage at the office, seducing coworker Francesca (Catherine McCormack).
With everyone using everyone else, you would think there would be plenty of opportunity for suspense and mystery, yet “The Tailor of Panama” is suspiciously flat. It’s hard to believe that Boorman and La Carre (along with Andrew Davies) wrote the screenplay. I haven’t read La Carre’s novel, but I hope it has more bite than the film they made out of it.
In comparison, the script is toothless. It jumps from one obvious plot point to another, connecting the dots until everything is spelled out for the slowpokes in the audience. Anyone with two active brain cells will be twenty minutes ahead of the characters. When the plot does catch up, we no longer care.
The only redeemable character is Louisa, Harry’s suspicious wife who works for the government. As played by Jamie Lee Curtis, Louisa is strong and dependable. Curtis gives the character backbone and depth. We share Louisa’s concerns, and understand her love and devotion for her husband. When they share an intimate moment, we know her heart is in it.
The same can’t be said for Francesca, who knows from the moment she meets Osnard that he’s trouble and she’s going to get in it. McCormack plays Francesca as a sexual animal, one that feeds off of Osnard’s energy. She knows she’s eventually going to get screwed by Osnard, so she might as well make it physical.
It’s difficult to accept Brendan Gleeson in the role of Harry’s Latino friend Mickie Abraxas. Gleeson is fine, but couldn’t Boorman find a Latino actor to play the role? It’s not as bad as black face, but it is a slap in the face.
Boorman has made a great looking film. Every frame is filled with gorgeous scenery and Shaun Davey’s catchy score. The look is lush, with warm colors and inviting earth tones. I just wish the characters weren’t so cold and distant.
SLY SPYTailor of Panama falls apart at the seams
THE TAILOR OF PANAMA
Pierce Brosnan, Geoffrey Rush, Jamie Lee Curtis, Leonor Varela, Brendan Gleeson, Catherine McCormack, Harold Pinter. Rated R. 111 Minutes.
LARSEN RATING: $3.50
